Fake Fur = Real Murder

"Oh my God, what a fantastic jacket! Is that real baby seal?"

"No, it's fake, but it looks and feels just like the pelts of actual baby seals that were clubbed to death on an ice floe in the Arctic, doesn't it?"

"Mmmmm. It sure does. But it's fake so that's OK."

"Mmmmm, that's right."

No, that's wrong.

From the moment our first ancestor skinned an animal and fashioned a garment out of its pelt, or crawled under a hide for warmth, fur has been a trapping of wealth and a luxury item.

Half a million years ago, a successful hunter would be well fed, and have many furs. Potential mates would view that food and warmth as desirable. Better to date the guy with the big spear and the fur coats, right? And that clan would grow, and that tribe would be strong. Long before animals were trapped and their skins traded for money or goods, fur was a currency that would grow and shape society.

It's practical. Have you ever tried on a fur coat?  It's cozy and warm. Duh. That's why animals have fur.

A few hundred millennia ago, humans needed to wear fur. In this millennia there's plenty of other options to keep us warm and dry. So fur should simply disappear, right?  We certainly don't need it anymore. But over time, as mankind was developing practical and affordable alternatives to animal skins, furs were developing into a luxury item, available only to the wealthy few. After all, why wear a scratchy woolen coat when you could afford to bask in a buttery mink?

Now faux fur, masquerading as real fur, perpetuates that glamorous image. Real or not, as long as we perceive fur to be fashionable, stylish, and desirable, we'll still have fur garments.

A real fur coat is expensive and few can afford one.  But faux furs are entry level priced, starter coats for those who aspire to one day own the real thing.  Without fake fur continually breathing life into that cachet, the image would be busted and fur would go the way of the wooly mammoth.

That's what makes artificial fur even more murderous than the real thing.

Now, I got no beef with PETA (see what I did there) and their anti-fur, anti-meat, anti-chicken, anti-fish, anti-feathers, anti-fun, anti-everything agenda. As far as I'm concerned, humans are supposed to eat meat and are entitled to do so because we can catch it. Similarly, if I'm flopping around in the ocean like a wounded sea lion a shark is perfectly entitled to eat me because a) I'm in his house and b) he can catch me. Same deal.

But even though I don't agree with the entire PETA manifesto I can totally get behind the messaging in this spot.

But there's a few gaping holes for me.  First of all, is the spot supposed to look real or animated? You'll notice the animation style change as the spot progresses... from obviously animated on the runway to more photoreal in the dressing room to even more photoreal in the... tannery I guess, to an actual photographic image at the end. It would be easy enough to create the whole thing with CG animals at the same level of finish as the fox. But these things are cartoonish... cute, almost. I don't get the feeling that these whimsical creatures are going to go in the back room after the show and peel the skin off that little girl in the cage. And what's up with that blue thing with the Dondi eyes? Is that a seal? Isn't it wearing the same outfit Melissa McCarthy wore to the Oscars Sunday night?  

You really should watch this thing in HD; it's much more gruesome, especially the freshly skinned human corpse in the back room. But if the horror for animals like this is all too real, why present them as cutesy animations up front? Do they think that if the animals look real we'll be afraid they'll rise up and skin us? And then we won't feel sorry for them anymore? Is PETA afraid we'll revolt, Planet of the Apes style?

"TAKE YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY FOX!!!"

Also, until the thing with the arm-skirt walks down the runway, you can't even tell what they're wearing. I get that it's part of the misdirect, but on subsequent viewings you should be able to look at each outfit and go ahhh... oooooh. Maybe you catch a glimpse on the ear one, but that's it. Everything else just looks like origami to me.

I can't say I'm crazy about the credit roll at the end either. It's not a movie, so when the credits are fully 1/3 as long as the content itself that's a little off-putting, don't you think?

All that said though, PETA has always been pretty good about making their point and this spot is no exception.

Rapey is as rapey does...

I was speaking to a Exec Producer friend of mine a couple of days ago. When we were done talking business, he asked me if I'd seen the Super Bowl, specifically if I'd seen the Audi Prom ad.

I told him yes, and that I thought it was one of the better ads. He agreed. But then he went on to tell me that he'd told a few people how much he liked the ad, and they'd called him a misogynist, and a woman hater, and how could he like an ad that promotes sexual abuse?

I said "huh?"

In case you haven't seen the ad, here it is:

I don't see anything particularly misogynistic about this ad. But apparently a columnist at the Philly Post did, labeling it "rapey."

Now I'm pretty sure "rapey" isn't even a word because when I tried to play it in Words With Friends I got a message that said "Sorry, rapey is not an acceptable word."

But let's pretend rapey is a word. What about this ad makes it rapey? Well, the columnist, Joel Mathis, was kind enough to include a "rapey" checklist. Here it is:

• The young woman who receives the kiss chose to be at prom with someone else.

• Our “hero” forcibly turns her around and jams his mouth to hers almost before she can identify him, and certainly without any permission being sought or given. What’s more, this is a demonstration of his new, Audi-fueled power.

• He leaves prom without her—suggesting that she still chooses to be at prom with somebody else.

I don't know that I'd call this rapey. I would call it a male fantasy, though. Yes, men actually daydream and fantasize. And although most of these daydreams culminate with a box of Kleenex and a bottle of lotion, some don't.  And I'm certain that kissing the prettiest girl in school who would never go out with you because she was dating the football hero is a pretty common daydream.  

Audi's got it right here. Bravery is what defines us. It's not the only thing, but it's one of them. For the next month in school, this kid is going to be a superhero and a stud.

But back to the rapey bit. That really got me thinking. How much pop culture is actually sexual battery in disguise? Based on Mathis' checklist, I've defined a rating scale for some of our most famous (now infamous) pop culture and entertainment moments. Here's the scale:

• MR:  Mildly rapey. Contains elements that could lead to an uncomfortable situation
• VR:  Very rapey. This is definitely going in a bad direction.
• ER:  Extremely rapey. This cannot end well.

So here we go:

From Here to Eternity:  Burt Lancaster is holding Deborah Kerr against her will on the beach, but she manages to escape his brutish grasp and run away. Winded from the lengthy chase, she collapses on a blanket. Lancaster, menacing and dripping, drops to his knees and (uugh) kisses her. Disgusting. She says she "never knew it could be like this." But she doesn't say she likes it. 

Rating "VR": He's a big guy. No way she can escape him twice.

Ross and Rachel's First Kiss:  They've just had a huge argument, she throws him out of the coffee shop and locks the door behind him. He slinks back and throws her the Schwimmer puppy dog pout.  She takes pity and unlocks the door, only for him to force it open and force himself on her. Pig.

Rating "VR":  This scene takes place halfway through season 2.  If she wanted to kiss him, she would have done it before now.

Lady and the Tramp:  Lady and the deviant is more like it. This guy can't even be bothered to go inside the restaurant, he takes her to dinner in the alley. Then he's all over her right at the table, like an animal.  He'll be mounting that bitch behind the dumpster in no time. Thank god they pan up to the clotheslines so we don't have to witness that humiliation.

Rating "ER":  Poor girl.  When she gazes at the night sky with those stars in her eyes, I can't help but think that she's wondering what her life might have been if she never got mixed up with this cheap bastard.

The Quiet Man:  It's a stormy night in Innisfree and John Wayne finds the impossibly beautiful Maureen O'Hara in his ramshackle cottage. Forget that he's the mysterious new stranger in town, forget that they've been throwing eyes at each other for a couple of weeks now, goddammit, he's going to have his way with her and he's going to have it now.  But this is classic Hollywood deception.  If you watch the clip all the way through, she kisses him at the end.  I'm confused.  Who's rapey now?

Rating "MR":  The kisses cancel each other out.  This is just two people in a hut on a rainy night.

2003 Academy Awards:  Yo Adrien. This could not be more rapey.  To wit:

• Halle Berry did not attend the Oscars with Adrien Brody
• He forcibly kisses her in a demonstration of his new, Oscar fueled power and,
• He leaves the awards without her.

Rating "ER":  Hey, I'm just going by the checklist, bro.

 

Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs:  Can you say Roofies, anyone? The girl is in a fucking coma for Chrissakes.

Rating "ER":  She doesn't even know who this guy is!

Gone With the Wind:  OK, I would never use the term "she was asking for it," but have you seen Gone With the Wind? 

Rating "NRAA" (Not Rapey At All): She's asking for it. For all 238 minutes, she's asking for it.

So that's a look at some entertainment moments you might have thought were innocent or heartwarming or romantic. Thanks, Joel Mathis for opening our eyes to what's really been going on all this time.

By the way, I just recently wrapped up a commercial with the same directing team that did the Audi spot. I can assure you, they are the least rapiest guys I've ever met.