Peacock of the Walk

I sometimes hear women complain about how males age so much better than females.

About how it's unfair that many men keep their looks longer, about how a white haired gentleman is viewed as distinguished and experienced and sexy, while a white haired woman is viewed as... old.

Why do men age better than women?

Simple. Men age better than women because women don't like to have sex with ugly dudes.

Calm down. You know it's true.

For the most part, a woman can have sex anytime she wants to. She just has to let it be known that she's into it and she'll pretty easily find some takers. But a man can only have sex when a woman wants to. So unless he's Brad Pitt he's really got to put some effort into it, put himself out there, and still face rejection more often than not.

So the good Lord gave men a little helping hand in the genetics department. Take a look at the tawny mane of the male lion, the lustrous cape of the silverback gorilla, the ornate antlers of a big male elk, or the riotously colorful tail of the male peacock. These ornaments exist to make these animals more attractive to the ladies. So they can get it on.

Bronx Zoo, about 3 weeks ago. While I was waiting for my wife and daughter to emerge from Madagascar, I witnessed this impressive display.



Come on, baby.

This poor guy is working his ass off. He's dancing and shaking it and getting his feathers just right and she won't even look at him. Just turns up her nose and walks away. Now this is a pretty good looking peacock. Hell, I'd do him. But he can't even get the time of day from this disinterested peahen. I guess she went off to look for a bigger dude with a more impressive fan.

So, rejected, he will continue to try to woo this peahen, and if not her then another, and if not her, then maybe one of those pigeons strutting around on the roof.

Women, do you see how hard we have to work just to be with you? If this fine specimen of manhood can't get laid, what hope do any of us have?

So please, grant us this one little advantage.

And that is why men age better than women.